Things That Suck: Dish Towels/Tea Towels.

Dish towels. Or tea towels if you live somewhere a little more colonial. Pretty innocuous right? Usually found hanging from the oven handle in kitchens all over the world. Perfect for drying dishes and wiping up spills. Potentially the understated MVP of the kitchen.

BetterThanGiada
Dish towels. Tea towels. Kitchen towels. Kitchen cloths. Dish towels. Keyser Söze. They go by many names.

Or are they callous betrayers and the spawn of the goddamn devil?

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Many Rivers To Cross.

Today I walked past a woman on the street. Well, I actually walked past many women on the street. I imagine I passed a countless number of women without seeing them as anything other than another obstacle to navigate on the streetscape. Equality yo.

Some I did notice. One in particular caught and held my attention.

I’ll admit, the prime cause of this noticing was most usually because I found these passing strangers to be attractive. Shiny. I’m not sure if it’s OK to find women attractive in these modern times, or call them shiny, but the truth is the truth. I get distracted by shiny things. Women included. If I were a bower bird decorating my nest it would be built and decorated with attractive women. Well, I mean, um… Hmm. That metaphor took a decidedly grim turn. I leave it up to you to come up with your own. Hopefully one that’s a little less Ed Gein-y.

NotFurnitureMadeOfHumanRemains
Ed Gein’s interior decorating skills were a little too grim so here’s ninja kittens instead.

Moving on.

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Things That Suck: Long Goodbyes.

Ah, the long goodbye. Essentially any time one person is forced to interact with another person this bizarre exercise in human interaction can happen. It’s probably happened to you. And it’s the dirt worst.

Imagine. Or recall. You’re at a party, family gathering, meeting, wedding, funeral, work function, bris, intervention, or something as low key as a few quiet beers with a friend… At some point you will invariably decide that the event or whatever is over, you’ve had enough, and you’re going to leave.

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The Blogarithmic Function.

So. I haven’t written anything more substantial than an email in quite a while. Admittedly a number of those emails were quite profound; like when confirming my attendance at upcoming team meetings in the vein of an overwrought Hemingway. And granted, I have written a few texts that have ended up being an epic four or five “pages” long. Hell, even some of my snapchats can get pretty wordy. No mere “send nudes” from this little black duck.

I’ve never been accused of being succinct.

TrumpGonnaTrump
He’s nothing if not succinct…

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2016 Will Destroy Us All.

2016 continues not to fuck around.

Jon English

Jon English, Australian rock/theatre stalwart and guy whose records my Ma would sometimes play when I was young, has died from post-surgery complications.
The All Together actor continues the trend of 2016 taking people that have always been a part of the background noise of our lives.

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“Fuck Sewing Machines.” – Taylor Swift

An enterprising soul with too much time on their hands has managed to unearth Taylor Swift’s old MySpace account. Because I have too much time on my hands I read through her old posts and two in particular jumped out at me.

pretaylorswift-taylorswift.jpg
Welcome to Taylor Swift’s old MySpace. And old nose.

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It’s Like Rain On Your Wedding Day.

Taylor Swift is currently dating Calvin Harris. Rita Ora previously dated Calvin Harris. That in itself is probably enough to cause Taylor to release the the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you.

destroyher
“You underestimate my power.”

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Kanye West – The Hero We Deserve, But Not The One We Need Right Now.

I feel like me and Taylor might have sex / I made that bitch famous

kanye v taylor

Kanye West did another thing. And I don’t think it’s a big deal. Turns out that I’m more a fan of music and Rock & Roll than I am a fan of being easily offended; because I have no issue with this lyric. Perhaps it’s time to hand in my SJW card.

Continue reading “Kanye West – The Hero We Deserve, But Not The One We Need Right Now.”