2016 Will Destroy Us All.

2016 continues not to fuck around.

Jon English

Jon English, Australian rock/theatre stalwart and guy whose records my Ma would sometimes play when I was young, has died from post-surgery complications.
The All Together actor continues the trend of 2016 taking people that have always been a part of the background noise of our lives.

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“Fuck Sewing Machines.” – Taylor Swift

An enterprising soul with too much time on their hands has managed to unearth Taylor Swift’s old MySpace account. Because I have too much time on my hands I read through her old posts and two in particular jumped out at me.

pretaylorswift-taylorswift.jpg
Welcome to Taylor Swift’s old MySpace. And old nose.

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It’s Like Rain On Your Wedding Day.

Taylor Swift is currently dating Calvin Harris. Rita Ora previously dated Calvin Harris. That in itself is probably enough to cause Taylor to release the the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you.

destroyher
“You underestimate my power.”

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Kanye West – The Hero We Deserve, But Not The One We Need Right Now.

I feel like me and Taylor might have sex / I made that bitch famous

kanye v taylor

Kanye West did another thing. And I don’t think it’s a big deal. Turns out that I’m more a fan of music and Rock & Roll than I am a fan of being easily offended; because I have no issue with this lyric. Perhaps it’s time to hand in my SJW card.

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The Twisted Ballad of Little Satan and The Jerk Queen.

Part I – Trouble In Paradise.

So I’m in Bali sitting in my usual favourite café/bar/warung enjoying a deliciously inexpensive meal and a quietly cold beer. After a big morning of riding around aimlessly on my bike and soaking in the human potpourri that is Bali I had built up an appetite for relaxation. I’ve given my order to the dependably perky waitress and eagerly await the forthcoming taste sensation.

paradise

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Things That Suck: Forrest Gump.

I just re-watched Forrest Gump.

poorpoorLieutenantDan
I understand your pain Lieutenant Dan.

When I was younger I loved this movie. Good music. Memorable catchphrases. And it touches on all of the most historically memorable moments of the last half of the 20th century.

It’s basically baby-boomer porn.

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Remember The Days Of The Old Schoolyard?

So.

After celebrating the hell out of a friend’s birthday, well into the wee hours of the night, I find myself in a popular late night food destination. And just like an ugly fat girl at closing time it’s a destination that can thank alcohol and poor decision making for 100% of their business.

The Gravy Spot. Ugh, there’s just no way to make that sound classy.

After purchasing a ridiculous amount of food because alcohol/poor decision making, with the ridiculous amount of loose change I have because alcohol/poor decision making, I become aware of the demeanour of 90% of the patrons. Patrons who happen to be 90% male.

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The 3,897th Straw.

One of my ex-girlfriends (serious relationship ex #4 for those keeping score at home) would complain to me incessantly. About me.

She was a highly strung individual and always needed everything single thing to be a certain way. And I, well, I am not like that at all. I am more of a “what you see is what you get and be damned what anyone else thinks” kinda guy. Perfect match right?

One of her many, many quibbles was that I would exit the car slowly. Apparently so slowly that it needed to be brought to my attention. Repeatedly.

My lifelong fear of random lion attacks was never fully accepted.

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