The Blogarithmic Function.

So. I haven’t written anything more substantial than an email in quite a while. Admittedly a number of those emails were quite profound; like when confirming my attendance at upcoming team meetings in the vein of an overwrought Hemingway. And granted, I have written a few texts that have ended up being an epic four or five “pages” long. Hell, even some of my snapchats can get pretty wordy. No mere “send nudes” from this little black duck.

I’ve never been accused of being succinct.

TrumpGonnaTrump
He’s nothing if not succinct…

Continue reading “The Blogarithmic Function.”

“Suicide Squad. We Promise It’s Better Than Batman v Superman!” – Warner Bros.

Remember when the trailers for Suicide Squad were all dark and moody? But then Batman v Superman was dark and moody and nobody liked it because it sucked?

Yeah, well, in completely unrelated news Suicide Squad has been rejigged with expensive new re-shoots to make a movie about murderers, rapists, arsonists and psychopaths a rollicking ride of hilarity and yucks!

This is a total coincidence you guys!

Continue reading ““Suicide Squad. We Promise It’s Better Than Batman v Superman!” – Warner Bros.”

Killman V Supermope – Dawn of Disappointment.

Killman-v-Supermope
[long meandering spoilers incoming]

Ben Affleck stated in interviews while on the publicity trail for this movie that it was too smart for him. Well I’m not sure what movie he was in or watching but there was nothing smart about this movie at all.

In point of fact one of its main problems is that it takes itself far too seriously and thinks it’s making profound and significant statements about power, god, responsibility and such, but it just doesn’t. In reality this movie is less like a wisened prophet espousing truths and far more like a first year philosophy/politics student that thinks they’re smarter than everyone else because they’ve read Atlas Shrugged.

Continue reading “Killman V Supermope – Dawn of Disappointment.”

The 3,897th Straw.

One of my ex-girlfriends (serious relationship ex #4 for those keeping score at home) would complain to me incessantly. About me.

She was a highly strung individual and always needed everything single thing to be a certain way. And I, well, I am not like that at all. I am more of a “what you see is what you get and be damned what anyone else thinks” kinda guy. Perfect match right?

One of her many, many quibbles was that I would exit the car slowly. Apparently so slowly that it needed to be brought to my attention. Repeatedly.

My lifelong fear of random lion attacks was never fully accepted.

Continue reading “The 3,897th Straw.”

Dreamers Often Lie.

Yeah. You're kinda on your own this time.
Yeah. You’re kinda on your own this time.

The man is thinking about buying a silver statue of some deity that he finds physically attractive, because that’s what he’s doing. He is in a new/small shop on a busy street in a town in another country. A country he’s visited many times before and is familiar with.

He haggles over the price and walks away from the sale over a 50 cent difference of opinion. As he’s leaving he says to no one in particular that he’ll check how much money he has at the ATM.

He walks to the ATM, which to him seems oddly close to the small shop; it almost definitely wasn’t there when he went into the shop. The man doesn’t notice these things.

Continue reading “Dreamers Often Lie.”

Compose New Message.

A few nights ago I met a girl at a bar. Wait! Before you decide that you’ve heard this story before and move on to look at cats doing amusing things, or porn, I can assure you that this tale doesn’t end in some tawdry liaison fueled by booze and happenstance. Nothing so interesting.

Rather, this innocuous meeting has made me question my place in this world. Or, alternatively, my understanding of it.

Continue reading “Compose New Message.”

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Could you be any more of a Chandler!?
Could you be any more of a Chandler!?

Oh Facebook! Your ability to create awkward social situations and turn perfectly normal human beings into needy beasts of angst is nothing short of amazing and total!

Recently I was asked by a semi-close acquaintance, via a Facebook message of course, why I had unfriended her. After overcoming mild annoyance at needing to provide a reason for my decision, to someone I’d just unfriended no less, I wrote the following response.

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What In The Blue Hell Is A Liebster Award?

So I’ve been nominated for a Liebster Award and have absolutely no idea what that means.

As far as I can tell it’s either the blogging equivalent of a well earned pat on the back from one of your peers, or the blogging equivalent of a chain email elderly relatives are compelled to pass on.

“Send it to Travis, he loves girls and cups!”
Send it to Travis! He loves girls and cups!

Perhaps it’s both.

Continue reading “What In The Blue Hell Is A Liebster Award?”