Things That Suck: Dish Towels/Tea Towels.

Dish towels. Or tea towels if you live somewhere a little more colonial. Pretty innocuous right? Usually found hanging from the oven handle in kitchens all over the world. Perfect for drying dishes and wiping up spills. Potentially the understated MVP of the kitchen.

BetterThanGiada
Dish towels. Tea towels. Kitchen towels. Kitchen cloths. Dish towels. Keyser Söze. They go by many names.

Or are they callous betrayers and the spawn of the goddamn devil?

Continue reading “Things That Suck: Dish Towels/Tea Towels.”

Many Rivers To Cross.

Today I walked past a woman on the street. Well, I actually walked past many women on the street. I imagine I passed a countless number of women without seeing them as anything other than another obstacle to navigate on the streetscape. Equality yo.

Some I did notice. One in particular caught and held my attention.

I’ll admit, the prime cause of this noticing was most usually because I found these passing strangers to be attractive. Shiny. I’m not sure if it’s OK to find women attractive in these modern times, or call them shiny, but the truth is the truth. I get distracted by shiny things. Women included. If I were a bower bird decorating my nest it would be built and decorated with attractive women. Well, I mean, um… Hmm. That metaphor took a decidedly grim turn. I leave it up to you to come up with your own. Hopefully one that’s a little less Ed Gein-y.

NotFurnitureMadeOfHumanRemains
Ed Gein’s interior decorating skills were a little too grim so here’s ninja kittens instead.

Moving on.

Continue reading “Many Rivers To Cross.”

Things That Suck: Long Goodbyes.

Ah, the long goodbye. Essentially any time one person is forced to interact with another person this bizarre exercise in human interaction can happen. It’s probably happened to you. And it’s the dirt worst.

Imagine. Or recall. You’re at a party, family gathering, meeting, wedding, funeral, work function, bris, intervention, or something as low key as a few quiet beers with a friend… At some point you will invariably decide that the event or whatever is over, you’ve had enough, and you’re going to leave.

Continue reading “Things That Suck: Long Goodbyes.”

The Blogarithmic Function.

So. I haven’t written anything more substantial than an email in quite a while. Admittedly a number of those emails were quite profound; like when confirming my attendance at upcoming team meetings in the vein of an overwrought Hemingway. And granted, I have written a few texts that have ended up being an epic four or five “pages” long. Hell, even some of my snapchats can get pretty wordy. No mere “send nudes” from this little black duck.

I’ve never been accused of being succinct.

TrumpGonnaTrump
He’s nothing if not succinct…

Continue reading “The Blogarithmic Function.”

“Suicide Squad. We Promise It’s Better Than Batman v Superman!” – Warner Bros.

Remember when the trailers for Suicide Squad were all dark and moody? But then Batman v Superman was dark and moody and nobody liked it because it sucked?

Yeah, well, in completely unrelated news Suicide Squad has been rejigged with expensive new re-shoots to make a movie about murderers, rapists, arsonists and psychopaths a rollicking ride of hilarity and yucks!

This is a total coincidence you guys!

Continue reading ““Suicide Squad. We Promise It’s Better Than Batman v Superman!” – Warner Bros.”

Rebecca Maddern vs. The AFL Community.

Is there a direct correlation between being ignorant and dismissive of social change and world events and… having a love of AFL?

Rebecca Maddern is taking over hosting duties on the AFL Footy Show. While most people would react to this news with a shrug of their shoulders and move on with their lives this news has caused a great many people to lose their minds. Upon hearing the news that Gary Lyon would be replaced, by a woman no less, many people took to the usual social media outlets to vent their rage.

RebeccaMaddernFootyShowBodyLanguage
One of these things is not like the other. And it’s not Rebecca Maddern.

And this simple, necessary change provoked a RIDICULOUS amount of rage.

Continue reading “Rebecca Maddern vs. The AFL Community.”

Killman V Supermope – Dawn of Disappointment.

Killman-v-Supermope
[long meandering spoilers incoming]

Ben Affleck stated in interviews while on the publicity trail for this movie that it was too smart for him. Well I’m not sure what movie he was in or watching but there was nothing smart about this movie at all.

In point of fact one of its main problems is that it takes itself far too seriously and thinks it’s making profound and significant statements about power, god, responsibility and such, but it just doesn’t. In reality this movie is less like a wisened prophet espousing truths and far more like a first year philosophy/politics student that thinks they’re smarter than everyone else because they’ve read Atlas Shrugged.

Continue reading “Killman V Supermope – Dawn of Disappointment.”

Kermit Earns Himself A Fatwa.

A Saudi doctor has been arrested and is under investigation by the Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice, the Saudi religious enforcement body, for flying a rainbow flag.

The good doctor claims that he had purchased the flag online after one of his children found the colours pretty. Apparently he was unaware of the LGBTIQ pride message the flag carries.

ColouredFabricIsEvil
Clearly the work of Satan.

Continue reading “Kermit Earns Himself A Fatwa.”